ANALYZING THE STATE OF A RELATIONSHIP AND STRATEGY FOR IMPROVEMENT

Make an analysis for oneself, then for the other party by walking in his shoes.

Balance between               What I feel in this relationship

Reason/Affectivity             The feelings I was able to express

                                                The ones I concealed.

                                               The psychological games we play to raise tension.

                                                Moments of elation when I wanted to surrender everything    

                                               Was I on the verge of exploding?

                                                Did I conceal any feelings?

                                                I was able to recognize my mistakes                                                                                       

                                                I was able to manifest visible, positive signs.

COMPREHENSION                   The effort I made to learn about him.

                                               What is important for the other party

                                               His culture

                                               The preconceptions he allowed me to eliminate.

                                               The world he allowed me to discover.

                                               I would be able to answer for him on many topics.                                                               

COMMUNICATION                        I always demonstrated great interest when he spoke.

                                                    I always asked when I didn’t understand.

                                               I answered his questions with integrity.

                                               I justified my nonanswers

                                               I never made decisions that would involve him without consulting him first.

                                                I always chose an environment that left him comfortable   

                                               I was always available when he looked for me

RELIABILITY                      I made contradictory statements to him in the past.

                                               Sometimes I didn’t keep my commitments.

                                               He would trust me with his briefcase and wallet.

                                               He sometimes found me unpredictable.

                                               I told him things I later regretted.

                                               I wronged him by playing on words.

                                               I sometimes lacked honesty.

                                               I showed him that I trusted him.

                                               I was absent-minded with him.

                                               I controlled his reliability on several occasions

                                               I avoid any actions that favor distrust.

PERSUASION                    My demands have always relied on criteria he accepted

                                               I never resorted to pushing my way through.

                                               I don’t repeat my requests to get him to accept them

                                               I do not resort to hidden threats

                                               I do not waive my BATNA

                                               Tricks and hypnosis do not entice me.

                                               I do not try to demean the other party’s BANTA

RECOGNITION                   I accept the other without wanting to change him

                                              Do not threaten him to go over his head.

                                               Show real interest in his person.

                                               Do not emphasize his social and cultural differences

                                               Be interested in his culture.

                                               Recognize what you need to assist you.

COHERENCE AND                       Balance all the elements above: it is no use to excel in any

TRATEGY FOR                            one of them, but to remain weak in another one of them

IMPROVEMENT .                         To be able to control one’s behavior in stressful situations

                                                The other party’s environment must feel the same  (secretary, co-workers…)

                                               After the check-up, decide which one is urgent and build a strategy that will improve the relationship.